Sleep pattern FUBAR

20Dec09

There has been a startling new development in my sleep pattern: I’m waking up early but STILL can’t fall asleep until after 5am. It’s getting beyond a joke.

During my waking hours I’ve spent my time frantically trying put together a notebook full of character emotions (the writing equivalent of an artists palette), rediscovered the sitcom “Cybil” (which in my opinion was made for a 4am time slot – the brain is just numb enough to be able to appreciate the senseless humour of the show) and have reorganised and downloaded all of the correct album artwork for my itunes folder. An experience I never want to go through again.  I swear, apple has to sort that out – there’s no need for some random cover band to end up gracing the artwork for Are you Experienced? It’s not like it’s a rare album.

I’ve also been pulled, once again, into the post apocalyptic world of Fallout 3.  If you haven’t played it yet go to the shop right now and buy it.  Playing it at 3am when the rest of the world is safely tucked up in bed is one of the loneliest experiences I’ve ever had (except for the time I accidentally got lost inside a continental quilt cover) and it’s the perfect scenario for playing it.  Each quest takes on biblical status inside your sleep starved, biscuit eating brain.  You start strategising every move so you can eke out as much game play as possible (made the mistake last time of completing it too quickly) without resorting to grinding up your XP by battling wave after wave of super mutant.  It takes my breath away.

There are two new additions in the Williams’ household (no, we haven’t stolen some toddlers from the supermarket): the new sony bravia and, my xmas present from Jo, a Macbook Pro.  Both of these gadgets are locked in bitter conflict for my attention – one is encouraging me to stay indoors and stare at it, while the other is coaxing me out of the house – “Come on Ed, you don’t need that iMac or the Bravia.  Leave them behind and we’ll go on an adventure, just you and me”.  No doubt I’ll become one of those insufferable people who sits in Starbucks, typing obnoxiously and furrowing their brow to give the impression their giving birth to literary masterpiece when all their really doing is updating twitter and playing Farmville (which will come under fire in a later post – if I start that rant now I’m never going to get any sleep).

So, to those of you who’ve made it this far down the page: well done.  This has been one hell of a ramble after a few months cold dead silence.  Once my friend, the web designer extraordinaire has finished my website I may even buy some space and put this up as a proper blog.  Like the gym, the idea is that if I’m paying for it I’ll be more inclined to use it.  But we all know how that ends, don’t we?

Filed under: Uncategorized   |  Leave a Comment

The Worst Zombie Movie EVER Made

27Oct09

It’s finally here. Me and Kieran covered in blood with nothing to defend us but toys.

Filed under: Awesome To The Power Of Rad, You Tube Stuff, Zombie Stuff   |  Leave a Comment
Tags: halloween, halloween movie, IWOOT zombie, worst zombie movie ever made, zombie movie, Zombies

Busting makes me feel good.

23Oct09

I’m a lapsed catholic, but if Matt Mulholland started his own religion I would be the first to erect a golden idol in his image.  He’s managed to recreate the Ghostbuster’s theme tune by arranging 14 tracks of himself playing all the individual instrument sounds with his mouth.  Plus, look at that curly mane.  Remind you of anyone?  Remember that bit in the bible about how Jesus will come again, preaching the word of Ray Parker Jnr?  It’s towards the back, wedged inside some of the letters to the Corinthians.

I would very much like to subscribe to his newsletter and I suggest YouTube shut down.  It’s over – the coolest thing ever has happened and the world will never be the same.

Many thanks to the Geekologie writer for finding this and sharing it. Special thanks to Matt Mulholland for being Awesome to the power of Rad!

Filed under: Awesome To The Power Of Rad, You Tube Stuff   |  Leave a Comment
Tags: cool theme tunes, ghostbusters remix, Ghostbusters theme, matt mulholland

In a world overrun by zombies, two men step up to the challenge. God help us all.

23Oct09

Filed under: You Tube Stuff, Zombie Stuff   |  Leave a Comment
Tags: halloween, IWOOT zombie, zombie apocalypse, Zombies

Freshly chilled beer and you don’t have to leave the couch.

21Oct09

All of us have a dream.  Some dream of world peace, others dream of a quiet place to raise a family.  People like me are selfish and, no doubt, a little simple in our tastes.  Give me some cold beer on tap in my living room and I’ll swap you one of my kidneys.

My dream is now a reality (see – if you aim low you get to see your dreams come true) and IWOOT have just the thing for those of us too lazy to go the pub of an evening.  Your very own beer on tap.  Just plonk a keg in this baby and pour away.  Who needs friends when you’ve got a pub in your front room?  And you can keep a hold of your kidneys – this gizmo will only set you back £149.

“The dispenser not only holds a five litre keg* – which is almost nine pints in the real world – but it also has an internal cooler system, to ensure your beaded beverage reaches your lips in perfect condition. It’s great for parties, barbecues, watching the game or just having that oh-so-slightly superior feeling of pulling your own pints at home – marvellous.”

If you play your cards right you can get your other half to join in the fun and pretend she’s a flirty bar maid.  All you need now is one of those big pull down screens to watch the football on, and you need never leave the house again.  Well, except maybe to go to work.  That beer doesn’t pay for itself, you know.

Filed under: Booze   |  Leave a Comment
Tags: beer cooler, beer dispenser, Beer Keg Chiller and Dispenser Draft Beer Dispenser, iwoot bar and booze, iwoot beer chiller

Sitting in a dark room listening to repetitive music and munching pills. Must be Pacman

21Oct09

I grew up in a tourist trap by the sea so, like many other young urchins, most of my pocket money was spent down the local arcade. Now, this arcade wasn’t like the ones you see today where you can shoot zombies and fly realistic sims – this was mostly a seedy little seaside room filled with games like Super Mario bros, Operation Wolf and the classic Pacman.  It didn’t matter that the graphics were terrible, these were games that required pure skill and shed loads of luck.  Try going back and playing them now – it’s almost enough to throw your controller at the television.  Unless you’re playing Wii, then the wrist strap will just swing that baby round and take your teeth out.  Take it from someone who knows.

I’ve always been a bit of a pacman fan, but this just takes it to a whole new level.

I would kill for this cake.  So, if anyone happens to be reading this and hasn’t figured out what to give me for my birthday take this as a massive hint.

Many thanks to Geekologie for giving me the heads up.

Filed under: Gaming Stuff   |  Leave a Comment
Tags: pac man cake, pacman cake, video game cake

The IWOOT Undead

21Oct09

About a month ago me and some of the team at IWOOT were locked in a house in Balham and made to dance like performing monkeys.  Okay, that’s not necessarily true, but we did spend the whole weekend making what can only be described as a landmark in horror cinema.

A lot of blood, sweat and tears went into this production and so I’m very proud to unveil the first teaser trailer.

Many thanks to IWOOT Blog for the video and images.

Filed under: You Tube Stuff, Zombie Stuff   |  Leave a Comment

Sleep Deprivation and the Freelance Writer

20Oct09

As I write I’ve still not mustered up the energy to shower, my hair remains a tangled mess on my head and the urge to close this document and look at internet porn is so strong I’m thinking of cancelling my internet connection.

There were so many things that kept me awake while I was in full time employment that they eventually became a background drone and I was able to drop off with relative ease.  Now I have but one concern, endlessly repeating in my head like the end of the Sgt Peppers LP (if you have it on CD you won’t have experienced this).

Money.

No matter how bad things got I always knew that in less than 30 days I’d have another fat paycheque sitting in my bank account, aching to be spent on trinkets and frivolity (or whatever it is young people are supposed to be buying these days; I wouldn’t know, having cancelled my subscription to the newsletter).  Now that this universal constant has been removed from my lifestyle I found myself gripped by panic.  Everything I like costs money, there isn’t a single thing I do that doesn’t result in some form of financial transaction.  Well, there is one thing.  Thankfully my wife hasn’t started charging me.  Yet.

There’s a very simple solution to this problem.  It involves myself and a job once again becoming intimately close, but this flies in the face of my reason for leaving my last one. I wanted to get more experienced at writing and I can’t write in the evening.  I don’t know why, but as soon as it gets past 2pm my creative well runs as dry as the previous metaphor.

It may sound stupid, but I need to write in the morning, preferably from 7 o’clock onwards.  I try to cheat myself and convince my body that, even though it’s 3pm, it still counts as morning.  I eat breakfast and then have lunch at 5 pm, but it just won’t have it.  My body knows that I’ve missed my window of opportunity, and I’ll just have to wait until tomorrow.

I have yet to wake up at 6am.  It’s a self facilitating cycle fueled by my need to earn money.  If I could just forget about it for one night I’d be able to wake up in time and actually get some work done.

So, tonight I plan to drink copious amounts of red wine and plunge myself into an alcohol induced stupor/sleep.  If this doesn’t work I may have to resort to other methods: getting the other half to choke me until I lose consciousness; dabbling in opiates; repeatedly hitting myself in the head.

Let’s hope that one of them works.

Filed under: General Moaning   |  Leave a Comment